Which Person?

Daddy has started trying to use a word that we believe he just made up. He keeps referring to himself by only using one letter. We were thinking that it is pretty high and mighty of him to feel that he can refer to himself by the letter "I" while the rest of us have a full name.

Hold on...my sister is rudely interrupting my screen time...
Yeah, right, Daddy has been referring to himself in the "3rd person" since we were born. Very funny!
Nobody else speaks in the 3rd person? Then why would Daddy do it?
Lots of parents do it???? What the hell is the point of that? Are they trying throw us off track? Make kids learn language incorrectly and then tell us we're wrong later on? This is total BS!

When is Daddy going to start talking in this so called "1st person" again? Well that's just bloody ridiculous. He's about to have another kid so is that 4 more years of him being deceitful:
"Daddy has to mow the lawn"
"Daddy is going to work now"
"Daddy is just resting his eyes"
"Daddy just likes getting new socks"

ENOUGH WITH THE DECEPTION!!

Ya know, Dad, eventually it will become a habit and then you'll be walking around being Jimmy all day. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)...


And while we're on the topic, when will someone start referring to themselves in the 2nd person?

Developing a Complex

I've started to notice dad buying a lot of socks these days. When we ask him about it, he mumbles something about e-mails and "being a man". Now I was willing to just let it go and file it under the heading of "crazy daddy stuff". My sister, however, is significantly more curious than I am and decided to do some investigating.
Now, I'd like to preface the next section by questioning where exactly my sister learned the computer skills that she has somehow acquired. She claims that she read some of Daddy's e-mails and when I asked how she did that (since I didn't even think she could read), she said, and I quote, "I hacked that shit".
She says that Daddy has a file in his e-mail account titled LIES LIES LIES!! Inside this file, there is a collection of more than a hundred items of, what appears to be, junk mail. With titles such as "We sell V1agra and C1alis for cheap" or "Grow your manhood", it seems that Daddy has become concerned (some may call it paranoid) that he is the target of a smear campaign aimed at spreading what he refers to as "vicious rumours that have absolutely no basis in the goddamn truth".

Even armed with this information, we still couldn't figure out the link between the extra sock purchases and the e-mails. We both feel that there must be a connection but just can't think of what it is. Oh well, I guess we should just stuff that issue to the back of our minds and move on...

P.S. As proof of his manhood, Daddy has requested that we post his most recent photo and that we also point out the minor plastic surgery he had done to remove what he refers to as "all the unnecessary bits".

The Neighbouriest Neighbour (Part 3)

I don't fully understand bigotry. I'm a bit young for that type of thing (although Daddy does tend to rant and rave about "jack asses" and "pompous idiots"...is that the same as bigotry?). However, we were exposed to this sort of thing at quite a young age.
The year was 2010. The day: July 5th...it was a Monday. I remember because I hate Monday's and I don't know why.
The most significant thing about that day? It was bugger hot out. So hot that everyone had their air conditioners on...all the time. And then, BAM (but you have to say it like Emeril),
all the power goes out. Now, it doesn't go out for everyone. We were okay (and our cheap-ass parents won't get AC anyways) but all of Toronto is affected...and then our man D drops by.
After some idle chit chat and comments on the heat, Maman says,
"Did you see the power outage in Toronto?"
To which my man D gives the oh-so-reasonable response,
"Yeah, those bastards can burn in the dark."

Maman is speechless for a second before making some excuse to gracefully excuse herself and go back inside. Where does one get that kind of venom in the first place? I've heard tales of people discriminating based on religion, race, sexual orientation but never based on city of inhabitance. That dude's got some crazy hate-on for Toronto for some reason..."burn in the dark", he says...

Say no to discrimination against Torontonians. They should be treated like humans, too.

Bridwell's Bad Dreams

Our parents have introduced us to something quite terror-inducing over the last couple of years. I'm sure that it was unintentional and a part of our bedtime routine but it ends up being petrifying nonetheless. We have several books about Clifford the big red dog in various situations (none of which deals with people being scared out of their mind by a dog that is larger than a house and forming a lynch mob to take care of that shit). Daddy says that the reason that nobody comes after Clifford isn't because of his size, it's because he is protected by 'that crazy smiling zombie-girl'.

Daddy says that she'll eat the face off any "bitches who wanna mess with her dog". We're not completely familiar with all of these terms at this point but I'm sure it'll all become clear in the next couple years.
It didn't really occur to us, what with our horribly zombie-sheltered lives, but perhaps Mr. Bridwell should have considered adding a bit of white to the outsides of her eyes. Perhaps then Daddy wouldn't wake up at 2am squeeling about "get that huge dog off my leg" and "oh crap, zombie-chick is comin' and that dog has mounted me again".
Is this what night terrors are made of?

Happy Mother's Day (but from 2011)

So I was perusing some of the draft blogs that I have saved but never finished and I came across this one from May 7, 2011. So as a part of last year's Mother's Day gift, I'll promise to post one blog per week until we go back to school after the summer. (At that point, we'll see how motivated I am to continue...). Je t'aime...

To the mother of my children,
Tracy, I couldn't be more impressed with the way you have raised the girls (with some minor contributions from me). They are such wonderful, smart, nice kids and none of that would have happened if it weren't for your influence over the last 2 1/2 years. I am so glad that we didn't just stick them in a daycare where they would have been fed and supervised because you did both those things and threw in a ginormous amount of love along with it. I love the tremendous variety of activities that you expose them to and the sheer volume of skills that they have acquired in such a short time. You are truly marvelous.
From your perseverance through the nursing struggles to your will power to get up when I just couldn't stay awake (and patient) any longer. This house would fall to pieces without you. You keep everyone organized (which we know is a necessity with our crazy schedules) and we still manage to find quality time here and there to spend with each other. You amaze me :)
The girls and I love you with all our hearts and we have come to the conclusion that you are definitely the best mom in the whole world.
On vous aime :) :) :)