Lions and Tigers and...

Daddy says that we need to stop and analyze a situation before we take action. He contends that taking a second or two to assess what is happening will allow us to better judge what to do next. Case in point: Our parents took us to a cottage up north for a week. It was cold, we missed our beds and people were generally moody. Daddy got very sick one day so mommy took him to the hospital...that's when the craziness began.

While the voice of reason was at the hospital, silenced by a migraine, there was ruckus brewing at the cottage. Upon "hearing" a bear outside, everyone in the cottage went into a bit of a panic. They were all so worked up by this bear (that nobody had laid eyes on), that by the time our parents returned, they were peering out the windows like some sort of reverse peeping Toms.

As mommy and daddy pull up to the cottage, there are hissing whispers coming from the windows of the cottage (because hissing whispers are the least likely way to not agitate bears, you see).






















The following conversation is done in the aforementioned loud whispers:
Window peerers: "Guys, there's bears....hurry and run inside"
Mommy: "Should we just stay in the car for a bit?"
WPs: "No...just run inside!"

At this point we see Mommy leap from the car and haul ass for the house (considerately looking back for Daddy once she has reached safety).

Now Daddy, not one to crouch and run lest he look uncool, confidently strolls towards the house and goes inside. Once Daddy enters the house, he decides at this point that if the bear is even the slightest bit hungry for terrified people, then the whole family is already done for(we've heard that animals can smell fear, you know).

Now we hate being startled. Daddy does too. He claims that is NOT the reason he doesn't watch horror movies...he says that they are just poorly written (but we know the truth). Paradoxically, Daddy loves scaring other people (and likes to teach us words like 'paradoxically').

When a few members of the family decide to get up the courage to go outside, Daddy sees his opportunity. He makes his way to a window close to the brave souls who have ventured outside in the dark, bear-infested night and proceeds to make, what he assumes are, bear snuffling noises. Now, having never actually heard what a bear sounds like, Daddy basically made a large angry pig noise. Regardless of the quality of the noise, it had it's desired effect.



The pig-bear basically scared the bejesus out of everyone. One of the adventurers looked up to the window in terror and realized what prank had been played. The other three essentially crapped themselves trying to get back inside to safety. One abandoned her significant other in her mad dash for the door (I'm pretty sure she forgot he existed for those 20 seconds). Another started to make her way inside before being elbowed out of the way (knocking off her glasses) by the third member trying to save his life from the ferocious pig-sounding bear. The glasses go flying across the porch and she has to retrieve them before desperately tumbling inside as the door is already closing. (And we feel it pertinent to point out that, despite the fact that there was no danger, adventurers 2, 3, and 4 made sure that the door did close which left adventurer number one still outside)

Daddy and Mommy, fall over laughing at this point and the rest are slowly made aware of the gag.

Moral: Beware of bears that snuffle like pigs???