Spider 'coon - a poem

Twas a night in the summer, when the weather was mild
Not a creature was stirring, not even a crying child (not for another couple weeks, anyway)
The garbage and compost were on the back deck
And one could hear down the street the sounds of a redneck
He's revving his engine while parked on the lawn
And listening to Iron Maiden until well past dawn
Daddy was dreaming of what's always on his mind
And thanks to the river, he got three of a kind :)
Of course mommy was there, sitting just to his right
And in that lingerie, she looked outta sight!
At this point the dream world started to shatter,
'Cause in the backyard there arose such a clatter.
Some damn varmint was messing with daddy's trash
He was heading out to put a stick up its...bum
That cursed raccoon heard my dad's angry call
And decided his escape route was up the house wall.
He soon realized he was five feet in the air
And without any wings, he climbed down from there.
The next escape plan seemed to fare just as bad
As the compost raider couldn't escape my dad
Down the side of the fence that 'coon started to climb
Of course he'd regret that move in due time
You see that deck is way up high off the ground
And dad had a hockey stick and compost all around
With a poke of the stick, Spider 'coon fell to the ground
And by the time daddy looked, he was nowhere to be found.
"Curse you, Spider 'coon", daddy cried into the night
And then shoveled rotting food until just before first light.